Valentine’s Day is this Thursday. Last week we gave you our top 4 ways to celebrate the day if you’re single. But this week we wanted to share our tips on how to successfully negotiate a day focused on love if you have a date…
Valentine’s Day in the dating world can be a touchy subject. It is a day that is interpreted differently by every individual. It can be stressful because your date may handle it in a way you were not expecting, either not doing enough or doing too much, and you may end up disappointed.
My steadfast rule is that if you have been in a relationship more than a couple of months it is a day that is worth celebrating or acknowledging in a way that makes you feel comfortable.
It does not have to be over the top romantic gestures, (unless you want it to). It could be as simple as spending the evening cooking together , a handwritten note, or thoughtful gesture that may mean more to you or your partner. If you have only been dating a few months, and even if you believe it is a socially created Hallmark day focusing on love, there are still a few ground rules on how to handle it. These are our TOP FIVE:
It’s The Type Of Dating You Are Doing Not How Long
I tell my clients that it isn’t necessarily the amount of time your are dating, but the type of dating you have been doing.
If you have “fallen” for each other in a big way then Valentine’s might be a great way to celebrate. If you and your new partner have been really mushy and romantic from the start, then romance sounds like the next logical move.
If you have been taking it slow and things have been pretty casual, then it might seem weird to make a large gesture on Valentine’s Day. You might want to do something light-hearted, like a funny card, or chocolate heart.
Don’t Make Too Big Of A Deal
If you are in the early stages and unsure if you are doing anything for Valentine’s, then you might run the risk of upsetting the other person if you do nothing at all. If that is the case, then picking up some flowers, chocolate, or a cute card might be the way to go.
Don’t Be Upset if The Person You’re Dating Doesn’t Make A Big Deal
It is very likely that the other person is also struggling to figure out what to do about Valentine’s Day, so don’t freak out or over-react if they don’t over do it. It is not a sign that they are not into you. Judge your relationship by the days before (and after) Valentine’s not their behavior on the one day that our society tells has to be romantic.
Don’t Ignore It
Don’t be the person that pretends that you had no idea it is Valentine’s Day. No one will believe you. If you’ve decided not to celebrate with gifts or card, (because you haven’t been dating for that long or you just can’t be bothered), at least send a text or call mentioning the day. You can say ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, BTW’. Anything. A jokey reference or acknowledgement is better than ignoring it.
Talk About It
Probably the best option to know what’s going on with Valentine’s Day is to ask. I know that can seem uncomfortable, but you can start the conversation with something casual like, “Hey, Valentine’s Day is coming up…is it a big deal to you? And something you want to celebrate?” If you have been together a few months it may be worth it to have the discussion and avoid any awkward assumptions, or one person making or expecting more effort than the other.